1. finding out that my instincts were correct - i AM pregnant after all! not very far along, but i can't contain the news this round.
2. seeing the look on jeff's face when he read the christmas card with my news
3. feeling so incredibly grateful for everything in my life
4. jeff giving lea and i a bath together
5. christmas with the extended is almost over

nugget: trust yourself, trust your instincts

1. my handmade christmas is almost ready...just in the nick of time
2. how much it's helped me to have daily projects and a deadline to stay creative every day
   
3. spending time with lea and kate yesterday and being totally blown away by their energy and joy
4. yoga
5. new leaf soup making diner a breeze every night
   

today

1. my new theme of "following through" and how much it helps me feel better throughout my multi-tasking day
2. enjoying staying in today
3. having friends over and all the energy and love they shared
4. all my knitting projects and feeling so excited to be on my way
5. taking the time to write down and develop the poem i made up while putting lea to sleep
6. being honest

dec 7

1. painting with lea every morning and then taking a bath together to get all the "uh oh" off us and clean us for the day
2. getting the chance to spend every day with my daughter
3. jeff's aunt dying peacefully this morning, no pain, no more suffering...just a long life filled with love and family.
   
4. seeing how happy lea made everyone today even though we were all in mourning
5. learning how to knit in the round and all the hats, mittens, socks, and sweaters that i know are coming in the future.
   

nugget: love the one you're with

dec 5

1. committing to a handmade christmas this year and actually making it happen each day at a time
2. spending some amazing times with good friends - absolutely priceless
3. reverting to old habits that do me right
4. feeling huge waves of love for my hubby
5. having a great conversation with mom which inspired me to do a webpage instead of printed pics this year which outlines our very cool idea for presents this year. so much better than my original plan of sending a printed newsletter. please take a look and let me know what you think.

nugget: brainstorm on how to give, and plan on receiving back in more ways than you can imagin

1. the prospects of knitting projects in my future (see below)
   
2. the pre-dinner excursion lea and i went on to get some new yarn and go grab a spumoni and hot chocolate at mezza luna.
   
3. spumoni made with the combo of dark chocolate, hazelnut, and pistachio
   
4. how well lea listens most of the time
5. feeling better after a long run of feeling crap
   

1. sleeping in
2. creative dreams
3. lea's new magic glasses - transitions
4. long naps
5. my painting class tonight
6. easy, healthy dinners
7. inspiration to start dancing again

nugget: “Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant.” Robert Louis Stevenson

1. sunny, cool, winter days
2. spending the day in felton, laughing, playing, eating, exploring, knitting, relaxing, gaining perspective, and realizing family is who you choose it to be
3. the amazing, loving, inspiring people i get to share my life with every day
4. realizing that i am not perfect and learning to forgive myself for mistakes understanding that i am stronger, more aware, smarter, and wiser because of them
5. seeing a photo album of jeff's childhood for the first time
6. how ridiculously cute lea's personality is blooming into and her sense of humor.
   

nugget: you can't have the good without the bad. things have been really hard for me this past week, but i know it's coming to an end and it's already getting much better. and, after a week like that i know the good times will feel that much sweeter.

happy after t-day digers. since music is often my life raft i wanted to share some of my current favs and ask if you would be open to sharing what music you're obsessed with lately.

1. Anais Mitchell & Rachel Ries - "country EP"
2. Pinback - "some voices - ep"
3. Feist - "the reminder"
4. pink floyd - " the division bell"
5. The Cake Sale album

nugget: thankful that thanksgiving is over and we can go back to practicing gratitude naturally

weekend digs

1. having another fabulous weekend and feeling so much more balanced in life because of the balance i have been searching for - it's all about intentions!
2. jeff for forcing me to go to yoga even though i was going to be late and felt like exploding from pms. i felt instantly better when i arrived and went into my first downward dog. it literally cured me from my pms!!!
   
3. finding the ceramic art studio in HMB thanks to the farmer's market and the possibility of using the studio to re-enter ceramics!
4. falling in love again with my x-mas gift from jeff last year now that it's getting nice and cool outside
   
5. our sunday night consisting of an ocean walk in miramar, stopping by the ebb and tide cafe for hot chocolate, and sneaking in for a preview of the jazz concert upstairs. what a gem! and then going to our traditional "sunday sushi" doesn't get any better.
   
6. seeing the proof of taking time for ourselves. both jeff and i got a morning on our own this weekend. mine consisted of my weekly routine; yoga, bagel and coffee at la di da, farmer's market, new leaf for our lunch, and then grabbing coffee at peets for jeff. jeff took sunday morning to sleep in, and then work on music. we were both better partners, parents, and people for it.
7. planning for our first entirely homemade christmas. not sure if the family will like it, but the thoughts and love will be there regardless.
   

nugget: make the intention, stick to what's working, and in time you will find proof of what you're looking for.

1. my amazing friends
2. living in my house
3. watching the sunset with lea
4. being a full-time mama
5. sitting down to have dinner and talk with jeff in our new dinning room. a dream of mine since we've known each other.
   

nugget #1: stop focusing on getting sick and start focusing on your health
nugget #2: optimism is an act of bravery

(from body and soul)

1. my new bag that jeff convinced me to get
2. that i have a hubby who convinces me to get a new bag
3. the amazing hike i took with lea today and the fact that it was her determination that got us up to the top of the hill/mountain.
   
4. the little dance lea did today - i couldn't resist...it's attached (please excuse my cheesy lyrics)
   
5. my visit with lea to joanne's fabrics

nugget: i started putting a reminder on my calendar for the time periods when i might be pms'ing and it's helped me thus far to take myself and moods less seriously when i'm in "the zone". sounds ridiculous that it's taken me this long to figure this out. oh well.

1. finding a new route with lea today during our hike
2. the fact that lea finally goes to sleep easily and sleeps well (knock on wood!)
3. the new arrangement in our home and having a room solely dedicated to art and creativity
4. going painting class tonight despite trying to talk myself out of it
5. knowing tomorrow is another chance to have a fresh start
   

this weekend

1. having the best weekend ever, consisting of:

• wonderful yoga class sat morning
• seeing a new friend at class and having a wonderful conversation that will help me now and in the future
• going to see tara at the coffee shop, meeting a new mom, and seeing abby - realizing i was going to this new member tea over a year ago and thinking about how much my life, support system, and happiness in life has expanded since then thanks to the mother's club and all the amazing people i have met
  
• finding the best egg and cheese bagel sandwich in town (la di da)
• stopping by the farmers market and getting beautiful stuff
• having a delicious lunch with jeff and lea all at once (doesn't happen often)
• calling jeff's cousin in the off chance that she could come babysit lea while jeff and i go dance the night away in the city - stars were aligned, she agreed!
• jeff rallying us to go to stanford to get me my "officially out of the diaper bag" purse
• having an amazing visit with jeff's grandparents and seeing how truly happy lea makes them (everyone)
• driving home from SJ realizing we have no hotel reserved for the night and not worrying about it
• leaving for the party at midnight, excited and realizing we're truly going on our first adventure alone for almost 2 years
• going to the party, despite how tired we were, and having a kick-ass time dancing to amazing old-school house until 4am
• driving to the hotel without reservations and jeff getting the "we're here at 4:30 just let us pass out" rate. i don't know how he does it
• sleeping in until 11 am, waking to jeff bringing me coffee, checking out, and walking to a beautiful breakfast where they offered me a free mimosa....ahhhh love the city
• coming home feeling so happy and making plans to go out dancing once a month - arranging it with jeff's cousin when we returned
• hanging out with lea once she woke, eating lunch, dancing, playing...
• going to "sushi sunday", our tradition for the past few months, and having such a wonderful dinner
• jeff and i stealing moments through the day where we just smile at each other because of how much fun we had last night.
  
• feeling young again and realizing it's never too late to go back to what you love.

i wish every weekend could be this way, but that's not the way it works. my nugget today is this: life is about being present enough to recognize the moments of time that are perfect, priceless, and full of love and joy. all the time in between is the process, the work needed to get the magical moments we live for. you can't have the good without the bad.

1. an amazingly cute and funny hike today
   
2. lea wearing her new patch without much protest, and generally how well she's adapted to her glasses. i can't believe it.
   
3. starting to draft a new weekly calendar and how much it's helping already
4. jeff for being so loving and helpful
5. amazing friends all around
6. new ideas utilizing old skills
7. giving myself latitude
   

1. seeing a wonderful eye doc today to affirm we're on the right track and make us feel more at peace.
   
2. jeff for letting me vent today
3. lea for being so patient and such a sport about her new situation
4. discovering new ways to utilize our home
5. going to my painting class tonight for the first time in 2 months
   

i'm back

1. weekend of rest thanks to jeff: taking lea out while i slept, getting dinner, washing dishes, making lunch, giving me a kick-ass massage and lots of love and attention.
2. lea's glasses seem to be helping her see better. even though we are still worried about her sight in the long term, we know we're helping her right now the best way we can
3. getting in to see another great eye doc tomorrow by sheer luck (appointment was not scheduled until dec.) and the relief jeff and i feel knowing we'll have a second opinion to ensure we're on the right track
4. building lasting amazing friendships
5. finding some good books from the library
6. amazon
7. i started a sketchbook again, finally!
8. our last MNO (thanks to kristen) and how much it helped me to talk, laugh, open up, and drink tequila
9. figuring out a new plan for our home layout
10. my new black pants and that jeff convinced me to keep them

i could go on forever....it's been a long time. good to be back :)

health

1. finding a frame that will work for lea's eyes today
2. getting some extra time with jeff while we spent the morning at the doctors
3. cooking with lea by my side
4. a few hours at night to drift into my own world
5. when the dishes have been done, the dinner has been made, and i'm in my jams

nugget: letting go is harder than hanging on, but so much easier in the long run

routine

1. my new favorite hike with lea and how healthy and happy it makes me feel
2. taking a nap with jeff while lea slept
3. the sounds that come out of the bathroom while jeff gives lea a bath
4. our new tradition "sushi sunday"
5. our beautiful town

1. mornings with lea and jeff
2. cuddling with lea on the couch
3. learning more about how to help lea's eye develop and feeling more empowered today. less helpless.
4. jeff's efforts in every way imaginable
5. seeing a good friend yesterday

homemade

1. my first batch of homemade bread...oh the many ideas for all the batches to come
2. lea's fever breaking fairly quickly
3. sunshine
4. jeff getting groceries tonight
5. having fun with lea despite all the crying, battling sleep, and feeling crappy
   

ani

1. seeing ani last night....so good.
   
2. spending all day with my two favorite people today
3. jeff spending the morning and early afternoon with lea and i - have some alone time with jeff in the afternoon, reconnecting
4. jeff bringing me an enormous arrangement of flowers, each of which were individually chosen for me. so amazingly beautiful and sweet
5. knowing that i'm on the right track in life, and feeling empowered by that fact, despite the speed bumps along the way

lea's lessons - feeding the storm

1. spending all day having fun with lea
2. jeff's coming home tomorrow
3. netflix
4. time to rest today
5. not making dinner

nugget: i'm learning to remove myself more and make room for the rest of the world in my thoughts. it makes me much happier, i find.

making lea laugh

1. the time i spent with lea today at the park. watching her face when she took her first ride by herself on the slide.
   
2. learning to take myself less seriously.
   
3. time alone
4. excitement of seeing a concert this friday
5. jeff coming home wed.
   

frozen yogurt

1. my parents visit ending on a good note
2. knowing lea so well that i know how to make her truly happy
   
3. dancing and singing with lea
4. knowing jeff is doing OK on his business trip
5. finding something i thought we lost, just in time

nuuget: protecting yourself doesn't require controlling the situation, it actually requires you to let go. let go of what you want or expect and just trust yourself and your abilities. this in turn will allow you to understand that you can trust in others, and then go full circle.

1. good, good friends
2. when jeff comes home
3. painting - kristen i'll have a sneak peek later today
4. being up front even when my family isn't
5. feeling strong
6. anticipation of seeing some friends today at playgroup - it's my solace during the parental visit

nugget: changing takes practice.

1. getting through day 2 of my parents visit and having a sense of humor about it all (still day two folks)
2. running into allie at new leaf and sarah at peets today during my time away to run errands
3. getting sleep
4. peanut butter brownies
5. sunny warm day

nugget: trying to understand my parents is exhausting and unnecessary and something i had always done in the past in an effort to better understand myself. i realize now that i don't need to understand them, i know who i am. my state of mind or belief system no longer hinges on theirs. ahhhhhhhhhhh. feels good. this doesn't mean that the relationship is easy. i just feel like i can take a step back more and see where the "hooks" are and have learned how to avoid them.

silence

1. having a few hours tonight all to myself....quiet home
2. knowing that jeff is coming home
   
3. aveda "shampure" candles
4. warm, cozy bed
5. the way lea hikes
   

1. getting our house more in order
2. finding a "learning tower" for $60 second hand, and in perfect condition
3. sharing some hilarious moments with jeff
4. anticipation of our camping trip this weekend
5. finding out lea is healthy and growing perfectly well after her 18 mo check up
6. earth's best organic frozen mini waffles

hugs

1. the rush of love, safety, comfort, and trust i got with the welcome home hug and kiss i got from jeff last night
2. ben and jerry's frozen yogurt - i eat a 1/2 a pint each night, no joking
3. seeing an old friend yesterday looking happy, peaceful, and more beautiful, because of it, than ever.
4. lea's unconditional love and affection
5. cleaning

nugget: if you're lucky, you'll grow as much and as quickly as your children do. we all make mistakes when we're venturing into new territory. however, apologies are always helpful when the inevitable happens.

gratitude

1. making it through a tough week and having a fun weekend with my family
2. jeff and i making each other laugh like we haven't in a long time
3. the mixed media painting lea and i did last night and the inspiration it brings me for my next pieces (crazy how much it connected me to what i'm trying to do)
   
4. jeff, lea, and i found an amazing trail in our backyard on our evening hike. view of the whole bay.
   
5. the long conversation i had with a dear friend yesterday

nugget: when things get rough don't be shy to rely on your own version of medication. whether it be grass, tequila, alone time, music, exercise, prayer, TV, sex, shopping, reading, talking, exploring, writing, dancing, ice cream or mother-fucking all of the above. when in doubt be honest with how you know how to comfort yourself and just do it.

buddhism

1. lea's huge nap today
2. time to rest and reflect today
3. new leaf
4. a pound of fresh coffee ready to be made
5. a new bedroom

nugget: nothing that we hope and wish for can make us happy. that's a never ending path. in order to be happy and at peace we need to be happy and at peace with what is...right now. that's what we have.

renovation

1. the surge of energy i received today to start rearranging the rooms as we planned. finally, our bedroom is downstairs (not in the living room anymore!). even though the house seems more messy since it's not all done, it's in progress....my favorite place to be.
   
2. finally finding an organic coffee bean that works in the morning
3. homemade cinnamon pancakes
4. pillows and blankets
5. endless resources right under our roof

nugget: process is messy, progress is clean and simple. we all need a bit of both to stay sane.

understanding

tough day, but managed to DIG:

1. jeff coaxing me into talking about what's been bothering me and feeling much better for it
2. the fact that jeff understands me so well and knows just what to say to give me perspective and make me feel loved and understood
3. finding enough cash to go out and grab a hamburger with lea and watch the sunset. it turned my whole day around
4. listening to lea find letters in everything and recite the sounds
5. lea for bringing me strawberries throughout the day to make me feel better....and realizing it truly does make me feel better.

walking

1. everyone sleeping soundly all night and waking at 8:30
2. getting lea's first potty and seeing her start to associate with it and what it's for
3. the crate of strawberries on our counter and knowing it will soon be homemade jam....yummy!
4. jeff and i reconnecting in many ways
5. how lea kisses me on the hand when we're walking to signal wanting a real kiss. there is nothing more precious in the world to me

nugget: it's easy to fall into the belief that we need to mold ourselves in order to fit into all the roles we play in life. however, this molding can cause resentment, loneliness, and fear that we have lost who we are. i see now how important it is to first define who we are and let our roles mold into us. it's helped me to stop reacting to the emotions, choices, and beliefs around me and start checking in more to me; how i feel, what i believe, what choices i want to make. it helps me take responsibility for myself. all the things i had constantly wished would change are no longer an obstacle. all the people i would get frustrated with because they weren't this way or that are no longer obstacles to reach my dreams. defining myself first means making a choice about how i want to engage in any situation. every moment presents a new opportunity to shift my state of mind, and therefore my life.

growth

1. coming home and remembering all the blessings we have in our everyday lives
2. lea's unconditional love and affection
3. jeff's unconditional love and affection
4. figuring something out about my struggles and seeing the realization help me already
5. perspective
6. writing as therapy

nugget: people don't change who they are, they just need help breaking free of what has happened to them in order to realize who they are.

coming home

1. finding some good in a really turbulent trip to the mountains with jeff's family
2. learning how to rock climb on friday - i want to do that everyday!
3. having a few hours to take a beautiful hike with jeff and watch the sunset, collect things for lea's nature jar, and take pictures
4. talking through the grievances we both had and helping each other gain perspective....so much so that we're able to joke about it all, finally
5. i never have to go back to that cabin again - wohoo!

nugget: some people's whole world revolves around their insecurity, which typically results in rude, disrespectful, and attack-dog behavior. when they are encountered it's best to keep your sense of humor and your thoughts to yourself.

vacations

1. homemade lasagna
2. amazing friends who are willing to be open
3. yoga breaths and witnessing how much they help lea as well
4. jeff for coming home early and working so hard today so we could leave for the mountains tomorrow
5. reconnecting with old friends

nugget: no one ever said grace came without heartache

aspirations

1. having a beautiful day today with jeff, lea, and bissen
2. lots of laundry done today
3. realizing how much sleep can make a difference in life
4. jeff's attentiveness
5. having our bed back

nugget: for a long time now i've been disappointed with myself with how ungraceful i was with becoming a mother; from the pregnancy troubles and hardships, the emergency birth, the post partum, and general struggle with figuring it all out. but i have since realized that i never sought out to be just a good mom. my goal has been to be an amazing mom, wife, and woman; to defy everything i had as an example and be the mom i wish i had. break the mold. i went into this wanting to grow instantly into this image of a mom that i never knew, but believed in. my expectation of myself was to know how to be this person solely with the understanding of what NOT to do based on my own experiences. building my own family by becoming the antithesis of my immediate family. and do this without any support from my own blood. that's a huge pill to swallow. yet, now that my baby is a toddler, and i'm sleeping again i look at her, myself, and my husband and see that i have become that woman, that wife, that mom in my head. i still have bad days, but i am starting to realize i have actually surpassed my own expectations. on my good days i am far greater a person than i thought possible.

jeff

1. kristen for inspiring me to start the "love about you" notes to jeff each day and how much it stops me in my day to really appreciate and define what i love about him each day
2. how much lea loves sushi already
3. our evening walk downtown today
4. lea is officially weaned (well, for 5 days now) and i think i'm finally OK with it since lea is
5. doing nothing today (since lea decided not to nap) and being OK with it

nugget: opening up brings everyone closer

running into friends

1. running into kimmie, noah, and her hubby at breakfast this morning and taking the time to hang out and let lea and noah play today
2. strong lattes that actually work
3. taking a nap today with lea
4. feeling at peace
5. going to the ritz for a family picnic and witnessing a fancy-pants wedding....and realizing after seeing the bride walk down the aisle how happy i am about who i married and how we got married and at the same time feeling excited and hopeful about lea's own experience one day
   

nugget: love the one your with

sunshine

1. having such a wonderful late morning with good friends, adorable kids, and beautiful weather - what a gift!
2. my cramps not being too bad today
3. planning trips
4. sharing jeff's humor in so many things and ways
   
5. feeling optomistic the first time this week
6. spending time with lea and getting to be her mom

nugget: you can only achieve the dreams you actually define for yourself

fresh produce

1. going to the farmer's market in pacifica today for the first time and finding some yummy treats
2. going for walks with lea and collecting all her "finds" and keeping them for her in her own nature jar that we can talk about as the years go by
3. a delicious latte today
4. having dinner with jeff on our front patio and enjoying the warm night, full moon, and beautiful clouds
5. getting good sleep for the first time in 2 years

nugget: when lea starts having a tantrum the best remedy is to mirror her frustration so she knows i know exactly what is upsetting her...not distract or ignore her needs. she yearns to be heard and understood more than anything. don't we all.

naps

1. seeing the painting i made for a dear friend hanging in her room today and feeling like it belongs already
2. lea's long nap today
3. meal planning and the money and stress it saves
   
4. the energy to meal plan
5. opening up about what's on my mind

nugget: let it go

weekend digs

1. getting some sleep and not having too hard of time during this HUGE weaning stage. (lea is taking it much better than me)
2. wonderful weekend with jeff and lea, resting, hanging out outside, and talking
3. seeing jeff's family today despite my hesitations and having a great time and seeing lea so happy and comfortable with them
4. listening to jeff talk to lea and hold her feet while trying to lull her back to sleep on our long drive home
   
5. jeff's idea to steel away tonight and go watch a movie - movie wasn't great but being out and at the theater was wonderful - whoppers!

nugget: let go, let others take the wheel and choose your battles wisely.

tgif

1. it's been 4 night of sleep training and lea is officially sleeping through the night again!
2. my plan to sleep downstairs has gotten jeff and i at least 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep per night...we're getting there
3. lea cough is finally getting better
   
4. this warm beautiful day
5. dr laura's book "praise for stay at home moms"

nugget: "the whole point is to enjoy the days and build memories" dr laura.
so simple, so true!

clean clothes

1. having extra time to myself today
2. seeing old friends and making new at lea's playgroup
3. yummy dinner tonight - salmon and coconut rice :)
4. third of "sleep training" and feeling more confidant that we can make it through
5. food

simple supper

1. helpful dressing room attendants - a HUGE rarity
2. jeff's relentless support, devotion, and love
3. knowing that the work i'm doing is working to create the perspective needed during my moon phase
4. hearing some wonderful news from a good friend....huge sigh of relief
5. delicious dinner with jeff watching grey's
6. finding sweet inspiration in this month's vogue
7. my visit with jeff's grandparents....it's exhausting but so precious to see lea running over to them to give kisses and laugh and show off her new tricks
8. completing another painting today and feeling so excited about what comes next
   

nugget: all the best parts of life take the most effort (and sometimes a little pain)

weekend digs

1. spending friday night dancing my ass off to my favorite dj's in sf (wiked revival) and feeling so, so happy. first time we went dancing in over 4 years!
2. seeing an old, wonderful friend for the first time in 7 years and enjoying every moment
   
3. now that i've assumed the mom role for a while (as much as i can) i am starting to understand, appreciate, and respect the importance of homemaking. when i do this the whole family is happier - including me!
4. deep breaths and how much they help me....and that i've taught lea how to do them at the right moments as well. sometimes i see that she does them with me.
5. jeff for helping me through the first hard day of my ridiculously long pms cycle by encouraging me to just go home and rest. even though i missed an important event i was happier for the time off.
   
6. learning how to nip drama at the bud - it's art form let me tell you
7. since jeff gets home so late and i'm using our dinning room as my studio...lea and i have dinner picnics on our kitchen floor - frowned upon by many relatives and books, but it's our thing and i know it won't last long
8. lea reciting her vowels for real - this is the first thing jeff tried to teach her when she was 6 weeks old. it's amazing what they absorb (and a bit scary...anyone? anyone?)
9. cuddling into jeff's "nook" and watching old grey's anatomy episodes for the first time after lea goes to sleep
10. the resolve to let lea cry it out at night starting tonight.
    
11. the blow-up mattress i have prepped to help me sleep on the floor below ;)
12. chicken fried rice and the fact that lea ate most of it....yeah a solution for getting her to eat veggies!

nugget: your thoughts drive your results.....the more you obsess on the bad the more it will surround you. the more you take care of yourself and go after your dreams the more amazingly simple it will seem to achieve them.

split pea soup

1. lea sleeping so long last night and until 10:30 this morning!
2. knowing how to head a tantrum off at the pass (at least for now)
3. cafe mezzaluna and their amazing food and coffee
4. andy goldsworthy
5. the spare key that let me into my garage so that i could get the car's spare key in the house after locking lea in the car with my keys and phone - omg. i was at the point of hitting a rock against the window when i remembered the spare - and the fact that lea was smiling and waving at me the whole time.

nugget: taking a few yoga breaths saved me today

easy mondays

1. having such a carefree monday - first in months
2. after lea slept for over 4 hours during her nap i asked her what she dreamt about that whole time and she said "booo" and pointed to my nose and gave me a kiss. holy shit. it's doesn't get better.
3. having some time to chill out today
4. watching lea happily walk through ikea with two fake flowers so big they looked like her walking sticks and breaking for a dance party in the aisles when "i feel it all" played on the loud speakers
5. truly not giving a shit what anyone thinks and having a blast

nugget: a happy mama makes a happy household.

happy weekends

1. an amazing morning walk/hike with jeff and lea, eating breakfast, running around like crazy, and discovering the best pancakes and coffee in town are right down the street from us.
2. my first date with jeff in 7 months; bob dylan concert.
   
3. seeing john cougar mellencamp live last night and falling in love again with his music
4. admitting
5. spending the day with old friends and their amazing kids today
6. i can still do many gymnastics tricks, even after years of not even trying them
7. feeling so healthy and able to keep up with the kids today, running, handstands, cartwheels, playing ball, making them laugh, and just having fun
8. having such a wonderfully blessed life and finally knowing how to appreciate them all more
9. finding peace and pride in being a "homemaker"
10. discussing my business plan with jeff for launching my site and work
11. taking the time to stop and marvel at how far i've come in life
12. having wonderful conversations with jeff about parenthood and life
13. warm, sunny days and feeling the crisp burnt skin on my neck

nugget: the more i reveal the more i connect

surprises

1. making the time to paint today and being so happy about the progress
2. seeing an old friend today and feeling comforted by her advice
3. taking lea's cue and driving up to the city to surprise jeff today - he was so happy
4. seeing great friends tonight, having wonderful food and great conversation
5. feeling so close and happy with jeff
6. finding a huge patch of grass yesterday and spending over an hour with lea, running, dancing, tickling, doing cartwheels, and spinning around like crazy. it was magical.
   
7. running into kristen at the cafe

nugget: trust the process

support

1. seeing friends this morning and being excited that they like work i did for them (thrilled more like!)
2. figuring out a new way to stay happy amongst the daily doings of life
3. reconnecting with some very old friends and realizing how although we all are older we are the same and the connection remains
4. sunny day
   
5. the excitement of knowing jeff and i going to see bob dylan this saturday. yeah!!!

nugget: assume the role you have, do the best job you can, communicate your appreciation for others and in the process feel proud, empowered, and inspired.

finishing this one right now....

new friends

everyone please welcome allie to our iDIG group. i am so excited to have her join our wonderful practice. i met allie through lea's playgroup as well as through an amazing yoga/art workshop she held on mother's day. allie will no doubt be a huge inspiration to us all.

the only (very flexible) guidelines to our practice are to write 5 things everyday that you are grateful for. it could be anything from breathing to fingertips. anything. many of us skip days for various reasons. many of us write nuggets of wisdom as well.welcome.

and can i say how inspiring you all continue to be. these past few weeks have been harder than usual for me, and to see that i'm not alone makes all the difference in the world. you guys rock....so much.

1. not painting yet this week but getting a wonderful insight from kristen that it's OK and maybe a good idea for me to take a break after such a prolific time last week.
2. a few good books and wonderful conversations to help screw on my head again after a few weeks of feeling like it was chopped off and sitting in a clothes hamper somewhere
3. all the amazing women that i am blessed to know and have so much support from
4. looking through boxes today and finding a box filled with a huge collection of love letters, cards, photos, and daily love notes between my hobby and i. amazing timing. what a wonderful reminder of the importance of actively loving, and seeing proof of how we used to do that.
   
5. seeing lea so happy today hanging out with her pals at music class and playgroup today.
6. seeing an old friend yesterday and feeling so good about our grounded conversations. i hadn't seen her since i was 6 mo pregnant.

nugget: "love is not a feeling, it's an ability" from the movie dan in real life

diving in

this...

went to this...

went to this....

went to this today...

1. my beautiful view of the ocean and hills through the trees and clouds
2. talking
3. hot showers uninterrupted
4. reading
5. phalo blue

warmth

friday:

1. morning dance parties
2. simplifying
   
3. our new playroom table - yeah ebay
4. overstock.com
5. the warm sun
6. jeff for encouraging me to continue painting last night
   

nugget: no wisdom today, just trying to keep it up


Sat:

1. inspiring iDIGs from you all - thank you for the "health" post kristen
2. a room to my very own, that i can go to, close the door, and take a break when needed
3. using painting to work through my frustration, disappointment, anger, sadness, regret, etc
4. blue sky farms guatamala coffee
5. my favorite pair of jeans

peanut butter

1. peanut butter cookies
2. the mini hike lea and i did today in the warmth
3. our new favorite spot on our front deck
4. the feeling of finishing a painting
5. starting a new painting today
   
6. sun shining through the clouds
   

nugget (om): Directing our thoughts to the endless of expanse of sky that clouds inhabit, we feel our souls expand to reach beyond any seeming limitations. Following the clouds, we are free to unleash our imaginations.

feist

1. i'm loving my feist albums. lea and i have been singing and dancing all day despite her being sick
2. using painting as a way to procrastinate all the other things i should be doing. this is the reverse of what it's been for a few years now.
   
3. waves of happiness that make me want to burst
4. trader joes tortillas
5. rediscovering our front balcony and enjoying the window of sun

nugget (OM): In our success-driven world it is easy to fall into the trap of thinking that our value lies in our work and the amount of responsibilities we take on. Our true confidence in ourselves comes from being comfortable with our existence, however, and is a result of our awareness of our connection with the universe.

teachers

1. going to painting class tonight despite how tired i am and loving it
2. i'm painting during lea's nap each day consistently and have a few projects i'm excited about
3. being out of "my world is turned upside down right now" mode....petering off at least now that the moon isn't so damn full!
4. jeff for being so sweet and gentle with me while i've been in this state
5. resolving to spend less time online and more time with my paint and instantly noticing the difference
6. a warm cheese and turkey quesadilla when i got home from class.
   

nugget: painting is not who i am but how i claim my space in this crazy world and trying to do it any other way will only make me feel alone and misunderstood....in short, i need to paint to connect to myself and make sense of the world around me. when i don't paint i feel lost.

note: one of my goals is to start getting my work out in the world more so i decided to start including pics of my works in progress. it will help me in many ways. feel free to comment or ignore it. it's just a way for me to get out of my comfort zone and into the world.

i worked on this one today. its gone through a few transformations...

assignments

1. taking the time today to work on a fun new project
2. going for a long walk with lea to fetch the mail
   
3. nice sunny day today - couldn't have been better timing
4. knowing that jeff still believes in me despite everything
5. all the kisses, hugs, giggles, and smiles i get from lea every day
6. reminding myself that life is more of an ocean than a river - the waves can come and go when least expected - and i need to give myself credit for staying afloat through it all
   

nugget (stolen from OM): The universe puts nothing in your path that you are incapable of handling, so you can rest assured that you are ready to grow into your new situation.

happy mornings

1. hot showers
2. visiting with friends
3. new ideas
4. having the best time waiting at the PAMF pharmacy for jeff's prescription. lea and i sat and had lunch and sang and talked and read. it was magical.
   
5. going to the zoo and museum in PA and having the best time seeing the bobcat, peacock, fishies, bunnies, snakes, turtles, rats, and geese.

nugget - making the choice to do things that don't requires money is a wonderful way to get back in touch with the world and my soul

public benches

1. lea for being so sweet all day while i go through my pms
2. the library for surprising us with an amazing event and running into kristen, anneka, and bordy
3. watching lea and bordy (our little love birds) hang out with each other and be so gentle and loving
4. my husband for loving me unconditionally
5. admitting to my huge retail therapy issue and knowing i can make a change to find healthier and less guilt-ridden ways to cope

nugget: it's never to late to use my creativity and drive for great internal change

coming clean

it's been a while...so i have a longer list this time.

1. being honest about a few things that have been stressing me out
2. knowing that each day is new chance to change the things that need changing
3. my husband's unconditional support
4. painting heavily for st least a few days per week
5. completing a painting that i am in love with - finally! (really bad picture of it attached)
6. seeing my brushes on the sink after being washed...or, the fact that my brushes are always out now!
7. jeff's understanding while my moon is in phase and the fact that he called it when i was being a bit crazy-eyed
8. kristen for getting lea and i to music class today
9. the san mateo library collection of cookbooks
   
10. new recipe for butternut squash gnocchi
11. loving our home despite all the clutter
12. my red clogs
13. lea's grace, thoughtfulness, humor, dance moves, and resolve
    

nugget: i miss writing these everyday so i am going to go back to it. it helps me so much, especially in stressful times!

peaceful days

it's been a few days so i have a longer list than normal....

1. the progress i'm making on my paintings. i realize i am not a fraud, just in need of studio time.
   
2. the beautiful 2 dozen gerbera daisies jeff brought me from the city
3. lea for getting me out this morning for a morning stroll through our hills. it was all her idea and i love that independence. it reminds me that i'm not totally in charge, just in charge of her safety, food, showering of love and shelter.
   
4. fresh, homemade smoothies as a family - best recipe below
5. library online hold system. all the best books brought to hmb and waiting for me for only $0.75
6. our rattling pipes will soon be silenced
7. new towels and bathmats
8. overstock.com - we found an amazing down comforter for soooo cheap!
9. running into some friends at bluesky and running around with the kidlins
10. all the blogs that i read daily providing inspiration, food for thought, peace of mind, and wonderful ideas for daily tasks and explorations

nugget from daily om: going with the flow is not lazy, it's inspired. To truly go with the flow requires awareness, presence, and the ability to blend one’s own energy with the prevailing energy. Going with the flow doesn’t mean we toss our oars into the water and kick back in the boat, hoping for the best. Going with the flow means we let go of our individual agenda and notice the play of energy all around us. We tap into that energy and flow with it, which gets us going where we need to go a whole lot faster than resistance will.

*if that doesn't sum up a successful state of mind as a parent, i do know what does.

smoothies:
frozen peaches, strawberries, and raspberries
wallaby vanilla yogurt
frozen haagendaas vanilla yogurt
orange juice

blend with hand held blender or the like. delish.

progress

1. my new assignment in painting class and feeling so happy to have assignments i'm actually working on
2. the fact that i've painted more in the past 2 months than i have in 2 years
3. our family walk this morning to get breakfast and coffee
   
4. the understanding jeff and i have for each other
5. lea's kisses
6. giving lea a bath and seeing her little body all clean and shiny after
7. the inner peace and calm i have now that i'm painting

nugget: take each day at a time

girlfriends

1. seeing a friend i haven't seen in 7 years today and meeting her daughter. crazy.
   
2. not pussing out on having the reunion above
3. lea's numerous songs and dances throughout the day
4. jeff's willingness to dig deeper and unravel old stress
5. having an amazing night with two amazing women, talking, sharing stories, philosophies, and beers.

nugget: attitude is EVERYTHING

tuesday - iDIG - morning walks

1. feeling so tired waking up, and then realizing we just need to get out in the sunny, warm weather and take a walk, get coffee and visit the chickens. changed my whole day.
2. seventh generation cleaning products - they work and smell oh so good.
   
3. deciding to take the time to paint while lea took a nap instead of taking a shower. this is the first time of many. i'm finally on a roll working on a painting that keeps my interest. (and not worrying about how thrashed i looked when we went out in my "dirty" state)
4. the fact that i have something i can do that truly makes me happy from the inside out
5. jeff and i figuring out a way for me to continue working with my painting teacher by taking a private course with her on tuesday nights - and the fact that i was invited to do so.
   
6. daily om - on so many occasions it tells me just what i needed to hear - eg: walk through an open door when presented with one - which led me to my new class, my new books, and a fresh take on my options in life
7. feeling a bit more buddah about cleaning our home, doing laundry, and mopping the floors
8. making plans i actually look forward to
9. lea singing her own mama song and laughing while driving yesterday
   

nugget: there are no mistakes, just avenues for growth and reconnecting with your desires

idig - bluesky

1. wonderful painting class on sat helping see the new direction of an old painting i was stuck on
2. spending the whole day panting and feeling so excited about what i'm doing
3. wonderful lunch with lea and jeff at bluesky cafe
4. lea's now saying thank you (in her own way of course)
5. forgiving myself for mistakes
6. being invited to work with an amazing painting teacher to help further my direction
7. boxes of clementines
8. my new iphone with video
9. chai
10. my beautiful view of the ocean in my studio space
11. and for today: still, sunny day on the coast

nugget: forgive yourself, invite others to do the same

idig doors

1. jeff for allowing me to sleep in until 9:45 after a long night
2. having the courage today to do something that totally freaked me out of sheer necessity
   
3. even though it's hard, talking with jeff about tough topics and knowing that things will get better with time and more sleep
4. watching jeff help lea select, choose the color, and try on her new shoes at rei. she was in control of that situation.
   
5. the feeling of lea melting in my arms when it's time for milk and nap time
   
6. learning limits
7. creating new energy and love in places i didn't know existed
8. reconnecting with an old friend and making plans to meet her and her daughter
9. knitting and the knitting class with kristen - and looking forward to more in the future with a larger group hopefully

nugget: (taken from daily om) Every time we walk through an open door, we create a sense memory that encourages us to move into the new fearlessly.

idig libraries

1. having a wonderfully, clean home today
   
2. lea's 3 hour nap
3. having such a wonderful day with lea walking around downtown, and at the library.
4. watching lea explore, dance, sing, eat, and make new friends all at the same time
5. jeff coming home from acupuncture in a calm happy place

ebay rocks

independance day/weekend

1. spending time in my studio (and the fact that i have one!) making toys and clothes for lea out of all the beautiful fabric and ribbon i have collected
2. ani difranco
3. seeing sam and diva and loving their company and seeing their faces light up with lea around them
4. having my stupid period, and cramps, and mood swings, BUT having such a wonderful connection with jeff that he provides me with everything i'm asking for to make it a little easier
5. understanding how fortunate i am to have such an amazing life

nugget: the more i let go of the image of myself i wish i could be the more i realize i'm already there

tuesday - customer service

1. even though i was on the phone for over 3 hours to work out a mistake by my insurance, i stayed calm, had some really nice people helping me out, and got my premium lowered - so it wasn't a total waste.
   
2. lea and i sharing a new dance we made up
3. sesame street
4. etsy and all the wonderful fabric and supplies i'm finding
5. jeff for going to acupuncture and being totally committed to what he needs to do to make himself get better and heal

nugget: i know people say TV is bad for children (heck we don't even have TV reception) but sesame street is amazing....especially when you have a little one who is miserable with a stubborn cold. it gets her to sing and dance and try out new words, and without it she would be throwing tantrums and be totally lost in the misery of being sick.

banana

1. seeing lea happy for the first time in a few days. poor gilr caught some sort of cold and is still battling the teething ailments.
2. falling asleep today for 1 hour while lea napped - felt soooo good.
   
3. the sun shinning enough for lea and i to go outside for some errands and how much we both enjoyed being out and about
4. jeff for coming home early and taking over the bath and night time routine to give me a break
5. not cooking

saturday - tried and true

1. not shying from the painting assignment today of drawing and painting from a live model. so challenging, but i surprised myself.
2. finding and taking the opportunity to spend a little time today doing my favorite thing - thrifting for clothes in oakland - and finding some gems.
3. the market in oakland and their apple chicken salad. i'm going to try to figure out how they made it - trial and error
4. taking the long way home from my class and enjoying the ride, even though it took me almost 3 hours due to traffic
5. how funny lea is. funnier each day. how she cracks herself up.
   

nugget: when you find yourself in the live of fire resist the urge to fight back or put up barriers. just take one step to the side and find you're still in tact.

friday - friday

1. sleeping solid for 4 hours
2. the fun time we had at fabmo picking out random fabric and leather for fun projects
3. inspired by sarah's recent trip to the rc park i decided to forgo lea's afternoon nap and go there. wowsa was it fun. thank you sarah!!
4. even though i spent 20 minutes in the check out line with a fussy baby i decided to use the time to twirl around with lea, find the alphabet in the trashy mag's covers, and look for goldfish to eat. finding the silver lining.
5. jeff for doing all the dishes when he got home, and me for letting him
6. lea's new routine of gently playing with my hair, brushing my face, and telling me she loves me when i'm tucking her in. this is what it's all about.

nugget: skip the routine once in a while and have adventures.

thursday - confidance

1. going through a rough patch this week and keeping it contained to the issue at hand - with jeff's love, support, and understanding.
   
2. while i was putting lea down to sleep she stopped to brush my face with her hand and give me the softest sweetest kiss good night. as if to say "everything is ok mama. i love you".
3. seeing karin and kate - always a treat
4. etsy and ebay for all the amazing fabric they have at a steal and all the inspiration it brings me to continue making clothes
5. this new resource: http://www.fabmo.org/fabmo/Home.html - repurposing fabric. i have an appointment to nab some fabric tomorrow. so excited.
6. jeff for taking lea to moma while i had lunch with a family friend in the city. jeff said lea was walking around looking and talking about all the art for a few hours. wow. what an attention span.
7. realizing after lunch today how far i've come. i never got defensive when provoked and stayed honest and true to myself despite the context of the conversations.
   

nugget: when you're about to offer your opinion or pass judgement the best course of action is to stop and ask questions instead. it clears things up right away, allows the other party to open up, and diffuses any stress related to defenses, or the like.

weekend - jeff

1. spending the morning with jeff at cca, talking and having lunch after our classes, and jeff giving me some helpful things to think about with regards to my painting process
2. taking the morning to make lea's first homemade dress - and seeing her so happy wearing it - i can't wait to make more
3. inspiration coming from all angles
4. jeff's face when he opened his father's day presents
5. hearing jeff say in the middle of a conversation that he's never been happier in his life than he is right now

nugget: no matter what do the things you love because you never know what path they will lead you to next

wednesday - san francisco

1. blue sky farms savory scones
2. having the chance to see some friends, even if briefly
3. jenny for watching lea while i stole a lunch date with jeff in the city
4. the wonderful conversation with jeff over lunch, discussing our creative plans, finances, and everything else we have a hard time fitting into our busy days
5. finding new inspiration from a few unknown artists (to me) at the moma book store
6. californication - so funny, and such a reminder to take things less seriously

nugget: be honest, be silly, be calm

Monday - trust

1. finding some jeans that i haven't been able to fit into for years and sliding right in. yeah!
2. jeff's kisses
3. lea's kisses
4. the walks lea and i have been taking in the hills and how much they make her smile, sing, and chatter on about
5. the painting that i started this weekend, how i was able to keep going past my comfort level, and how interested lea is in it as it sits on the easel in the living room
6. being consumed by painting, next steps, subjects, layers, colors, brush strokes, and on and on

nugget: being open is an act of trust

thursday - banana bread

1. wonderful visit with lea's great grandma, great aunt & uncle, and auntie in san jose today
2. wandering around and shopping with lea and seeing the stores from a new perspective
3. knowing how to better prepare myself for the inevitable as the years roll by
4. jeff's understanding, listening, and support
5. getting myself through a rough patch today with humor, a good book, and homemade banana bread

nugget: nothing beats a funk like the smell and taste of fresh coffee and homemade, fresh from the oven bread

wednesday - letting go

1. jeff for getting up every morning with lea to feed her, play, make us coffee, sing songs, wash dishes, and give me a chance to sleep in a bit. wow.
   
2. having a home big enough to move my easel into a space with better light
3. jeff for giving me a painting assignment, including deadline, that actually got me to paint today
4. that lea loves her new tights so much she insisted on wearing them again today
5. that lea's sleep is no longer a struggle and how much it helps us all
6. finding beautiful fabric today for 1/2 off amongst a bunch of crap
7. the florescent sunset tonight
   

nugget: let go, then let go some more

monday monday

1. waking up each day to jeff and lea singing and hanging out together downstairs and seeing their faces light up when i arrive on the scene
2. a beautiful, clean home every monday
3. facing my fears and being honest in the thick of it
4. having a wonderful weekend at my new painting class, hanging out with jeff and lea, seeing an old friend, enjoying the amazing weather and good conversations
5. my new "toys" from williams sonoma
6. witnessing and catching lea's amazingly creative ways of communicating

nugget: staying present doesn't make life easier but it makes it much less complicated

friday - going easy

1. sleeping in a bit and having strange but good dreams
2. my cramps not being too bad today, good enough that i was able to be present with lea
3. the new (very old) dinning room chairs i bought and look forward to resurfacing
4. figuring out a healthy chicken pot pie recipe that lea likes enough to eat veggies
5. jeff's sweet email today
6. not being pregnant
   

nugget: plans are good to get things moving, but don't become obligated to them

thursday-reading

i know i'm over my quota but i missed a few days this week :)

1. kristen's b-day and knowing she took good care of herself
2. spending a long lunch at the blue sky farms cafe, eating, talking, and exploring the plants
3. lea sleeping longer and longer each night...progress, finally
4. taking the 2 hours i got from lea's nap to read instead of do chores. felt so nice to get lost in my amazing book
5. discovering new things about me by looking into my past in a new way
6. jeff for telling me i'm beautiful even when i feel anything but, and me allowing myself to believe him
7. how excited jeff is when he gets home in time to help lea get to sleep (and how flexible i have become in allowing her to get to sleep later because of it. in earlier months i would have gotten tense because it would break "the schedule' and now i realize it's what life is all about. amazing what a little perspective shifting can do)
8. feeling in my bones how utterly grateful i am for having such an amazing amount of love and support in my life. despite all my faults i am truly loved. can't be topped.
9. taking the time today to draw
10. letting lea pick out our outfits today and enjoying wearing the crazy indian inspired sweater with silver sequins because of how much it makes lea smile

nugget: from daily om "it is not the absence of the fear but the courage to take action anyway that determines success"

wednesday

1. spending some fun time with lea's playgroup on a sunny day and feeling so relaxed in the process
2. listening to lea practice the ABC song in the car
3. taking the opportunity to sit and read outside in the sun on our deck while lea took a nap...getting some rays
4. richard yates' writing
5. making it through a somewhat stressful day of errands with grace

nugget: creativity must become a habit

weekend digs

1. getting some time to get lost in season 5 of LOST
2. spending a beautiful, sunny afternoon with lea and jeff in palo alto
3. jeff giving me a few hours on saturday to wander around HMB, and meeting a very nice older man at the arts league and having a great conversation about art
4. finally finding the perfect cookie jar at williams sonoma....it's going to be filled very soon!
5. learning how to make my own bread and butter using a simple method
6. the fact that lea asks me to help her paint every morning when we wake up.
7. my new books that are really helping me understand and keep in mind the big picture, as well and helping me break unhealthy family habits that have been passed down. (one of my favorites is titled "raising our children, raising ourselves)

nugget: learn more, teach less

thursday

1. peets' garuda been coffee made at home
   
2. jeff and i receiving an amazing card from my mom today
3. my new weekly game plan for preparing all the daily meals - makes this SO much easier, healthier, and less expensive
4. jeff for coming home early so i could go out to dinner
   
5. discovering blood orange margaritas - so delicious
6. witnessing my husbands ability to keep his cool and humor in a very stressful time
7. spending time with lea today to look at all (and i mean every single one of) the flowers at the nursery
8. finding videos of the original sesame street and remembering so much. this made me so happy.

wednesday

1. good night's sleep for the most part
2. lea taking 2 long naps today
3. taking time to read and drink coffee when i had the chance
4. long conversation with my mom that went well, despite the topic
5. taking a moment to remind myself how far i've come thus far in life

nugget: that which does not kill you makes your stronger

tues

1. a beautiful sunny day and an even more beautiful sunset
2. saying no to a previous engagement that was stressing me and my hubby out
3. roadside produce stands everywhere with cheap, organic, delicious, produce - why don't i go to them more often?
4. when lea comes over a thousand times a day to hug and snuggle against my legs while she's playing
5. coming up with a new recipe for dinner that makes jeff fell better after a stressful day

nugget: Life will create new challenges for you to face each time you prove yourself capable of overcoming the challenges of the past. -from daily om

been a little while

1. how one moment can change the course of my perspective in life from "not enough" to "more than i can imagine" - and it lasting and lasting so much that i think it was really a shift
   
2. relearning lessons and truths in life in a whole new way
3. truly understanding the power of letting go of control and letting life take it's course in every form possible
4. realizing i am learning the skill of living in the moment - how exciting
5. rediscovering how amazing my husband is and all the reasons i chose him in the first place
6. picking up on lea trying to say "music" while she gestured to the remote.
   
7. peace of mind the new safety gate gives us now installed at the bottom of our "death trap" stairs
8. homemade peanut butter oatmeal cookies, and the way they make our house smell
9. thinking about how amazing it is that lea was created from jeff and i loving each other...and now she wakes us both up with kisses in the morning.
10. basking in this time with lea still so young, yet getting so old each passing day

tuesday

1. wonderful advice
2. every adorable moment i get to spend with lea
3. the walks lea and i went on today - i just can't get over her walking. i love it so much.
4. lea asked me to paint today and she made her own painting with no help from me
5. how sweet my cat, bissen, is all the time, especially with lea

nugget: once you're on your path no one can knock you off

monday

1. aunt jenny for coming to watch lea all day so i could go on a secret date with jeff and have some alone time
   
2. jeff for thinking of our secret date: matinee showing of start trek in the city - our first movie in 8 months.
   
3. movie popcorn, woppers, coke, and holding hands in the theater
   
4. all the sweet moments jeff and i had yesterday that continue today because of our time together
5. wandering around the moma, getting lost in so much inspiration, discovering a new artist for me to obsess on, purchasing some earrings that are amazingly artistic that i would just usually admire
   
6. jeff for supporting me in just the right way after getting some bad news
7. not listening to my voicemail until after the drive home allowing me to have such an amazing day.
   

nugget: the main thing that i have been concentrating on lately (beyond everything else) is being present. not allowing my thoughts, fears, assumptions, or anticipations take over my mindset or choice-making. just staying present in what is. it's absolutely incredible.

friday

1. making a realization that was hard to come by and a long time coming. my brain and heart feel lighter.
   
2. all the amazing people in my life that help and support me in more ways than i actually realize or deserve right now
3. seeing the subtle ways that lea communicates very complex things...and that fact that i get it and that i'm here with her to get it
4. kindness
5. hearing jeff's day today and understanding how much he goes through each day to provide for our family. suddenly makes the dishes look more appealing

nugget: be the change you're wishing for

yesterday and today

wed:

1. seeing so many friends after a long time without - so fun to see our babies growing and thriving!
2. watching lea so happy to share her home and play with all her friends
3. lea taking some great naps lately and sleeping through the night. phew! i feel like we've made it to the other side.
   
4. making a call i've been fearful of and realizing it wasn't so hard
5. going to sleep with my arms around jeff and feeling so peaceful and safe

nugget: stop trying to control everything and see who picks up where you left off

today:

1. jeff for allowing me to sleep in even though it made his day more stressful
2. have a great conversation that will hopefully turn into many more
   
3. singing the alphabet song with lea. it gets her to stop fussing and smile and sing every time.
   
4. having an amazing conversation with karin that lifted my spirits and made me feel sane and calm again. i love you karin!
   
5. knowing how to take good care of my family
6. my recipe for "green soup" (corn, zucchini, polenta, pesto, and lemon soup) the best!
   
7. supportive email, once again, from loreen.
   
8. listening to kruder and dorfmeister, drinking pinot, and cooking. little bits of the "old me" are so nice to have back

nugget: when you need to make a tough decision quite your mind, listen to your heart, and ask for advice from friends you trust.

getting caught up

saturday:

1. spending a nice morning with jeff, lea, and bissen
2. having 3 hours for myself to work out stress and create
3. feeling calm and powerful at the same time
4. jeff's support in our new sleep strategy
5. getting 6 hours uninterrupted sleep

sunday:

1. jeff's mother's day present; two days for myself
2. the card jeff made me from him and lea
3. spending time with jeff's family and getting the chance to unwind
4. jeff driving
   
5. being taken care of
6. sleeping through the night with some wakings but no feedings!

nugget: "since there is no external savior, it is us to each one of you to work out your own liberation." buddha

monday:

1. spending time together with good friends, yummy food, and thoughtful conversation
2. harbor pizza delivery
3. some amazing emails that lifted my spirits
4. receiving a book from a friend that has already got me inspired
5. finishing the day with jeff on couch, falling asleep to the tv

tuesday:

1. realizing after a task-filled day that i should have followed my instincts and stayed home or done less
2. people who are good at their jobs of customer service - makes a HUGE difference
3. being strong in a situation where i usually cower
4. seeing jeff's response to being able to get lea back to sleep after she woke in the late evening
5. knowing tomorrow will be better

thur

1. this amazing group of women who all inspire each other and sometimes express what we find hard to even admit. what a release!
2. spending some time today in sunny palo alto and running into tara :)
3. jeff and i had a bit of a rough morning today, but after talking, texting, and phone calling we cleared everything up and, i believe, became closer in the process. it's amazing what awareness, effort, a little space, and honestly can do when you put them all together.
   
4. watching lea 'pretend eating' her own bowl of frozen yogurt and realizing she enjoyed it as much as if it were real. ahhh to be a kid again!
5. jeff coming home early so that i could rest and try to relieve the cramps

nugget: this morning's experience made me realize there isn't a threshold that i need to tightrope walk along or be afraid of crossing. i just need to invest in each day, each conversation, each situation, and never assume i know the outcome before it happens. and of course, trust myself.

wednesday

1. when jeff gets up with lea to let me sleep in a little - i will always be repeating this one since it starts the day so wonderfully
2. lea picking out mother's day cards today at longs, finding one that has music, then proceeding to have a dance party in the isles and make everyone around her smile and laugh
3. lea and i painted again for the third day...i hope we can keep this going for always
4. new perspectives on how to get lea to sleep better and feeling confident we'll figure it out....i'm beginning to believe confidence is most of the battle!
5. spending a peaceful evening with jeff, eating, talking about our days, making each other laugh, and communicating

nugget: being a good parent doesn't mean my whole identity needs to be wrapped up into the task. on the contrary! lea loves to paint, not because she really knows what's going on yet, but because she feels how much i love it. i'm certain she knows how happy it makes me.

tues

1. seeing an old friend today and receiving her wisdom on parenting and self care
2. painting again with lea this morning - she did most of it and was so excited she applauded herself with her brushes still in her hands
3. seeing lea wander around stanford today. i still can't believe she is walking!
4. have much more r o o m in our new home to wander
5. jeff for wholeheartedly supporting my decision to be a stay at home mom
   

nugget: Accepting that difficult situations will arise from time to time and treating your reaction to them as if they are passing events rather than a part of who you are can help you move past them.

monday iDIG

1. starting the week out with a clean home and amazing spirits despite getting up 6 times with lea last night
2. listening to my voice within and discovering whole new ways to mother and take care of lea - i knew i had it in me!
3. spending a long time in my studio today with lea and bissen. lea and i created our first two (of a lifetime) paintings! i can't express how amazing it was. and the paintings are beautiful as well.
   
4. finally receiving our mail today (after a long wrestling match with "gone poastal" man at the post office). part of the collection were three items i ordered from etsy; including an amazing note from one artist/mom "i certainly remember 'the early years of motherhood' struggle of trying to mesh so many identities and hang on to the parts of me that seemed so easily lost". sums it up for me!
5. jeff for giving me an hour this morning to stay in bed and enter the day
6. the checkers at new leaf for figuring out how to make my $15 into $18.50 so that i could get everything i wanted and hearing how much jeff loved the dinner i made for him with the ingredients.
7. kristen for sending me such amazing and inspired insight into so many parts of our lives as artists and moms.
8. signing up for our very own weekly organic-locally-grown-produce-box (say that 5 times fast)
   

nugget: i've done a lot of dirty work and just when i didn't think things would get better i see they are. please remind me of this when i get stuck again!

weekend digs

weekend:

1. wonderful conversation with jeff
2. spending an amazing day with jeff and lea, playing, getting things done, letting go, laughing, not cooking, and feeling at peace
3. remembering to trust my instincts and listen to my heart
   
4. going to my painting class on friday, experiencing creative block and painting "mud", allowing myself to feel bad, and understanding (i've been here many times before) that this is a good sign. it's part of the process, and a sign that i'm actually IN the process, not just daydreaming about it.
   
5. being fearless
6. jeff for letting me go back to sleep at 8am this morning and sleep until 11:30. yeah!!!
   

nugget: happiness is gently chipping away at the things you need to accomplish along with the things you dream of accomplishing, and knowing you don't always have to being doing both simultaneously to have balance.

wed and today

wed:

1. having the energy and inspiration to unpack a huge amount of boxes that i've been avoiding and seeing the space and beauty it created
2. seeing my cousin for the first time in three years since his (long-term) visit to china
3. trader joes ready-made pizza crust - my calzones were a hit!
4. jeff's face when he got back from his motorcycle ride
5. lea and i having a great afternoon strolling around half moon bay without any tantrums

nugget: life goes in stages so don't get too upset when things get rough; things will inevitably shift just when you wanted to give up

today:

1. lea only woke 2 times last night....it's been 4+ since we moved
2. time today to draft my plan for 2009 to ensure i meet my goals - never too late!
3. the amazing view of the ocean from all angels of our home
4. my 2 new books that i picked up yesterday at the new bookstore/gallery, both of which has inspired me more than i can know (kristen, i asked about showing my work too! i told her you sent me :)
5. feeling hopefully even though the morning was turbulent

nugget: "happiness is not simply the absence of despair. it is an affirmative state in which our lives have both meaning and pleasure" gordon livingston

tuesday

1. having a little time for myself today and using part of it to start a new drawing series
2. great conversation tonight enabling plans for the future
3. fresh perspective allowing me to see options in how to carve out time for myself consistently so that i can paint
4. dick blick art supplies - specially their illustration markers
5. starting to truly accept that being a good mom is a journey and not a destination
6. this group for continuing on with new perspectives, voices, and enthusiasm
   

nugget: there is ALWAYS someone who will understand whatever you're going through so speak up!

monday

1. trader joes
2. drive thru lattes
   
3. time to reflect and write
4. new recipes for healthy cookies
5. jeff for going shopping tonight

home sweet sweet

1. home motherfucking sweet home! (sorry for the swearing but it's gotta be there)
2. surviving our first plane trip with lea
3. jeff's patience, tolerance, strength, and unconditional love
4. my new silver ugg slippers from jeff and lea
5. watching lea getting bathed in bubbles
6. seeing how happy lea made my family and friends this weekend
7. the chance to see so many people i love from my past and have them meet my immediate family

nugget: decide to go easy, make it work, and stay calm. it works in short spurts.

from yesterday

last day of 32

1. having coffee with a friend and reaffirming that the more i open up the more i find others can relate
2. talking things through at the right moment
3. alden's mint chocolate chip ice cream
4. feeling at peace with not knowing what to do next and understanding i just need to trust right now
   
5. seeing an ugg box in jeff's room filled with my new slippers - yippee!

nugget: maybe things aren't as complicated as i think sometimes. maybe they are really, really simple.

33 and counting

1. kristen's new idig format of defining the day in the subject line
   
2. all the birthday messages, visits, gifts, and conversations proving how lucky i am to be surrounded by so much love and support
3. the chocolate cupcakes from kristen - the gift that keeps giving throughout the day
4. believing that even though i still have a ways to go, i have traveled so far already...which inspires me to keep going
5. the feeling of my bed when i get to crawl back into it and fall asleep

nugget: i decided today the theme for my 33rd year is going to be SHINE. i think it's perfect as it allows me to focus on the good, encourages me to trust myself and take risks, but most of all forces me to use the power i already have.

tues

1. making some strides in the long journey to conquering my fears and living my dream
2. being a stay at home mom - getting to be a little more graceful with the role
   
3. my own studio space in our new home
4. finding a note i wrote in nov of '07 that helped remind me that i'm on track
5. having the new perspective of being a painter in life - not just the studio - and seeing how much it works, even though i didn't really understand how to go about it at first

nugget: i'm better at jumping into my power than staying in it. i need to learn to stay, sustain, and accept my power.

monday

1. spending the morning with some good friends and great conversation
2. witnessing lea's first jump and the excitement and surprise on her face
3. taking a nap today! i can't believe i did it and how amazing it made me feel
4. the hike jeff, lea, and i took tonight to watch the sunset together from the top of the hill in the back of our home. so amazing.
   
5. conversations that happened this morning inspiring conversation with jeff tonight. little by little we'll figure things out.
   

nugget: reminding myself that things always get messy before they are improved and not to give up in the messy stages

sunday

1. spending the afternoon with good friends on the beach and a warm sunny day to boot!
2. my first sunburn of the season
3. knowing that jeff and i are getting better at being "married with children"
4. stealing some quiet time in the kitchen baking with a glass of wine and pink floyd
5. lea's face lighting up with happiness at the sight, sound, and touch of the beach

saturday - found lea's new dress

1. have a dedicated studio space in our new home for me to work in and seeing my latest painting mounted on the easel...calling me
   
2. our new coffee maker and the coffee that keeps jeff in the kitchen with lea and i a bit longer. long enough for us to enjoy the morning instead of rushing through it to start the day
3. lea's strong sense of self and knowing i have something to do with it - what a gift!
4. watching jeff with lea and how naturally he has fallen into his role as papa
5. staying present

nugget: each moment presents a chance to start again. breathing and a moment alone can truly act as a reset button.

friday

welcome all the new diggers! most of us submit something daily, but you can just send your list to the group when you feel inspired. no rules, but it helps if you can think of something new each day. hopefully you'll notice yourself noticing more, stressing less, and keeping perspective throughout your day.

friday iDIG:

1. my ability to stay calm when the day ran late - and found everything worked out!
   
2. my first day at painting class; meeting all the artists, my fabulous teacher, and kicking off a new stage in my work
3. the feeling i had after leaving class with the new painting in my trunk
4. jeff for making it possible by getting his aunt to watch lea
5. my decision to quiet the gremlin voice in my head telling me all the reasons why i shouldn't or couldn't go to class

nugget: a little time away for myself surrounded by artists can do a world of difference.

almost friday

1. final goodbye and hand-off of our old home. ciao!
   
2. inspiration to prepare veggies in a new way for lea from the cookbook my mom sent me
3. reconnecting with jeff
4. knowing i get to spend the day painting tomorrow
5. being there to witness every stage in lea's life. being her constant.

nugget: i decided i wasn't going to be upset anymore, just to see if i could do it. it's working so far. pretty incredible how much power our perspective has on our daily reality.

hump day

1. the sweet easter package my mom sent for lea
2. homemade apple spice muffins and coffee
3. feeling, seeing, and knowing the love i get from lea
4. lea taking jeff and i on walks around the house holding one hand
5. jeff for knowing how to make me laugh

nugget: one tweak to your daily routine may now seem like much today, but when repeated each day it can make a world of difference

tuesday

1. our new handyman - thanks kristen - for taking over all the stuff that needs to be done
2. figuring out a way to attend an intensive painting course that starts this friday!
3. knowing how to make lea laugh - lea knowing how to make me laugh
4. spending the morning with jeff talking over coffee about our future plans
5. a cleaner home

nugget: there is love all around me

monday after the rising of jesus

1. forgiveness and understanding
2. my garage sale for being a success but also as a way to meet people in the community, and then running into them around town
3. the adorable couple for buying our couch
4. the new house goodies i was able to buy with the proceeds from my garage sale
5. rolling with it

nugget: no matter what there is always someone in your life who can understand what you're going through

tgif

1. knowing we get to spend two days with jeff
2. getting some time today from the kindness of jeff's aunt to get my kitchen a little more lived in
3. confidence that i know just what my daughter needs, even if she doesn't - not always, but knowing i'll figure it out
4. the couple from out of town who helped me carry all the coffee's while i had lea on moving day - kindness of strangers....
5. living in a beautiful, hilly neighborhood allowing a simple walk to be a huge workout!

nugget: define it

in our new home

1. having a hard time choosing only 5 things to be grateful for
2. lea and i dancing and laughing in our new kitchen listening to boards of canada, even though the house is still packed in boxes and we don't know where our clothes are
3. eucalyptus trees in sight from every window
4. reading "the secret lives of moms" on operah's site and reaffirming that i'm not alone
5. finally making peace with the decision to move after a few days and nights of stress
   

nugget: "You can follow someone else's mood, or you can create a better one. Creating that better mood is work, but we all need to let go of the idea of happiness as a birthright and start seeing it as something we put energy into creating for ourselves and our families every day." excerpt from this

thursday

1. strawberries
2. slightly sweet chai tea in the morning
3. the wisdom to keep moving even when i feel like giving up
4. believing that tomorrow is an opportunity for infinite change
5. relying on others

nugget: Life is never easy for those who dream.
Robert James Waller