weekend digs

1. getting some time to get lost in season 5 of LOST
2. spending a beautiful, sunny afternoon with lea and jeff in palo alto
3. jeff giving me a few hours on saturday to wander around HMB, and meeting a very nice older man at the arts league and having a great conversation about art
4. finally finding the perfect cookie jar at williams sonoma....it's going to be filled very soon!
5. learning how to make my own bread and butter using a simple method
6. the fact that lea asks me to help her paint every morning when we wake up.
7. my new books that are really helping me understand and keep in mind the big picture, as well and helping me break unhealthy family habits that have been passed down. (one of my favorites is titled "raising our children, raising ourselves)

nugget: learn more, teach less

thursday

1. peets' garuda been coffee made at home
   
2. jeff and i receiving an amazing card from my mom today
3. my new weekly game plan for preparing all the daily meals - makes this SO much easier, healthier, and less expensive
4. jeff for coming home early so i could go out to dinner
   
5. discovering blood orange margaritas - so delicious
6. witnessing my husbands ability to keep his cool and humor in a very stressful time
7. spending time with lea today to look at all (and i mean every single one of) the flowers at the nursery
8. finding videos of the original sesame street and remembering so much. this made me so happy.

wednesday

1. good night's sleep for the most part
2. lea taking 2 long naps today
3. taking time to read and drink coffee when i had the chance
4. long conversation with my mom that went well, despite the topic
5. taking a moment to remind myself how far i've come thus far in life

nugget: that which does not kill you makes your stronger

tues

1. a beautiful sunny day and an even more beautiful sunset
2. saying no to a previous engagement that was stressing me and my hubby out
3. roadside produce stands everywhere with cheap, organic, delicious, produce - why don't i go to them more often?
4. when lea comes over a thousand times a day to hug and snuggle against my legs while she's playing
5. coming up with a new recipe for dinner that makes jeff fell better after a stressful day

nugget: Life will create new challenges for you to face each time you prove yourself capable of overcoming the challenges of the past. -from daily om

been a little while

1. how one moment can change the course of my perspective in life from "not enough" to "more than i can imagine" - and it lasting and lasting so much that i think it was really a shift
   
2. relearning lessons and truths in life in a whole new way
3. truly understanding the power of letting go of control and letting life take it's course in every form possible
4. realizing i am learning the skill of living in the moment - how exciting
5. rediscovering how amazing my husband is and all the reasons i chose him in the first place
6. picking up on lea trying to say "music" while she gestured to the remote.
   
7. peace of mind the new safety gate gives us now installed at the bottom of our "death trap" stairs
8. homemade peanut butter oatmeal cookies, and the way they make our house smell
9. thinking about how amazing it is that lea was created from jeff and i loving each other...and now she wakes us both up with kisses in the morning.
10. basking in this time with lea still so young, yet getting so old each passing day

tuesday

1. wonderful advice
2. every adorable moment i get to spend with lea
3. the walks lea and i went on today - i just can't get over her walking. i love it so much.
4. lea asked me to paint today and she made her own painting with no help from me
5. how sweet my cat, bissen, is all the time, especially with lea

nugget: once you're on your path no one can knock you off

monday

1. aunt jenny for coming to watch lea all day so i could go on a secret date with jeff and have some alone time
   
2. jeff for thinking of our secret date: matinee showing of start trek in the city - our first movie in 8 months.
   
3. movie popcorn, woppers, coke, and holding hands in the theater
   
4. all the sweet moments jeff and i had yesterday that continue today because of our time together
5. wandering around the moma, getting lost in so much inspiration, discovering a new artist for me to obsess on, purchasing some earrings that are amazingly artistic that i would just usually admire
   
6. jeff for supporting me in just the right way after getting some bad news
7. not listening to my voicemail until after the drive home allowing me to have such an amazing day.
   

nugget: the main thing that i have been concentrating on lately (beyond everything else) is being present. not allowing my thoughts, fears, assumptions, or anticipations take over my mindset or choice-making. just staying present in what is. it's absolutely incredible.

friday

1. making a realization that was hard to come by and a long time coming. my brain and heart feel lighter.
   
2. all the amazing people in my life that help and support me in more ways than i actually realize or deserve right now
3. seeing the subtle ways that lea communicates very complex things...and that fact that i get it and that i'm here with her to get it
4. kindness
5. hearing jeff's day today and understanding how much he goes through each day to provide for our family. suddenly makes the dishes look more appealing

nugget: be the change you're wishing for

yesterday and today

wed:

1. seeing so many friends after a long time without - so fun to see our babies growing and thriving!
2. watching lea so happy to share her home and play with all her friends
3. lea taking some great naps lately and sleeping through the night. phew! i feel like we've made it to the other side.
   
4. making a call i've been fearful of and realizing it wasn't so hard
5. going to sleep with my arms around jeff and feeling so peaceful and safe

nugget: stop trying to control everything and see who picks up where you left off

today:

1. jeff for allowing me to sleep in even though it made his day more stressful
2. have a great conversation that will hopefully turn into many more
   
3. singing the alphabet song with lea. it gets her to stop fussing and smile and sing every time.
   
4. having an amazing conversation with karin that lifted my spirits and made me feel sane and calm again. i love you karin!
   
5. knowing how to take good care of my family
6. my recipe for "green soup" (corn, zucchini, polenta, pesto, and lemon soup) the best!
   
7. supportive email, once again, from loreen.
   
8. listening to kruder and dorfmeister, drinking pinot, and cooking. little bits of the "old me" are so nice to have back

nugget: when you need to make a tough decision quite your mind, listen to your heart, and ask for advice from friends you trust.

getting caught up

saturday:

1. spending a nice morning with jeff, lea, and bissen
2. having 3 hours for myself to work out stress and create
3. feeling calm and powerful at the same time
4. jeff's support in our new sleep strategy
5. getting 6 hours uninterrupted sleep

sunday:

1. jeff's mother's day present; two days for myself
2. the card jeff made me from him and lea
3. spending time with jeff's family and getting the chance to unwind
4. jeff driving
   
5. being taken care of
6. sleeping through the night with some wakings but no feedings!

nugget: "since there is no external savior, it is us to each one of you to work out your own liberation." buddha

monday:

1. spending time together with good friends, yummy food, and thoughtful conversation
2. harbor pizza delivery
3. some amazing emails that lifted my spirits
4. receiving a book from a friend that has already got me inspired
5. finishing the day with jeff on couch, falling asleep to the tv

tuesday:

1. realizing after a task-filled day that i should have followed my instincts and stayed home or done less
2. people who are good at their jobs of customer service - makes a HUGE difference
3. being strong in a situation where i usually cower
4. seeing jeff's response to being able to get lea back to sleep after she woke in the late evening
5. knowing tomorrow will be better

thur

1. this amazing group of women who all inspire each other and sometimes express what we find hard to even admit. what a release!
2. spending some time today in sunny palo alto and running into tara :)
3. jeff and i had a bit of a rough morning today, but after talking, texting, and phone calling we cleared everything up and, i believe, became closer in the process. it's amazing what awareness, effort, a little space, and honestly can do when you put them all together.
   
4. watching lea 'pretend eating' her own bowl of frozen yogurt and realizing she enjoyed it as much as if it were real. ahhh to be a kid again!
5. jeff coming home early so that i could rest and try to relieve the cramps

nugget: this morning's experience made me realize there isn't a threshold that i need to tightrope walk along or be afraid of crossing. i just need to invest in each day, each conversation, each situation, and never assume i know the outcome before it happens. and of course, trust myself.

wednesday

1. when jeff gets up with lea to let me sleep in a little - i will always be repeating this one since it starts the day so wonderfully
2. lea picking out mother's day cards today at longs, finding one that has music, then proceeding to have a dance party in the isles and make everyone around her smile and laugh
3. lea and i painted again for the third day...i hope we can keep this going for always
4. new perspectives on how to get lea to sleep better and feeling confident we'll figure it out....i'm beginning to believe confidence is most of the battle!
5. spending a peaceful evening with jeff, eating, talking about our days, making each other laugh, and communicating

nugget: being a good parent doesn't mean my whole identity needs to be wrapped up into the task. on the contrary! lea loves to paint, not because she really knows what's going on yet, but because she feels how much i love it. i'm certain she knows how happy it makes me.

tues

1. seeing an old friend today and receiving her wisdom on parenting and self care
2. painting again with lea this morning - she did most of it and was so excited she applauded herself with her brushes still in her hands
3. seeing lea wander around stanford today. i still can't believe she is walking!
4. have much more r o o m in our new home to wander
5. jeff for wholeheartedly supporting my decision to be a stay at home mom
   

nugget: Accepting that difficult situations will arise from time to time and treating your reaction to them as if they are passing events rather than a part of who you are can help you move past them.

monday iDIG

1. starting the week out with a clean home and amazing spirits despite getting up 6 times with lea last night
2. listening to my voice within and discovering whole new ways to mother and take care of lea - i knew i had it in me!
3. spending a long time in my studio today with lea and bissen. lea and i created our first two (of a lifetime) paintings! i can't express how amazing it was. and the paintings are beautiful as well.
   
4. finally receiving our mail today (after a long wrestling match with "gone poastal" man at the post office). part of the collection were three items i ordered from etsy; including an amazing note from one artist/mom "i certainly remember 'the early years of motherhood' struggle of trying to mesh so many identities and hang on to the parts of me that seemed so easily lost". sums it up for me!
5. jeff for giving me an hour this morning to stay in bed and enter the day
6. the checkers at new leaf for figuring out how to make my $15 into $18.50 so that i could get everything i wanted and hearing how much jeff loved the dinner i made for him with the ingredients.
7. kristen for sending me such amazing and inspired insight into so many parts of our lives as artists and moms.
8. signing up for our very own weekly organic-locally-grown-produce-box (say that 5 times fast)
   

nugget: i've done a lot of dirty work and just when i didn't think things would get better i see they are. please remind me of this when i get stuck again!

weekend digs

weekend:

1. wonderful conversation with jeff
2. spending an amazing day with jeff and lea, playing, getting things done, letting go, laughing, not cooking, and feeling at peace
3. remembering to trust my instincts and listen to my heart
   
4. going to my painting class on friday, experiencing creative block and painting "mud", allowing myself to feel bad, and understanding (i've been here many times before) that this is a good sign. it's part of the process, and a sign that i'm actually IN the process, not just daydreaming about it.
   
5. being fearless
6. jeff for letting me go back to sleep at 8am this morning and sleep until 11:30. yeah!!!
   

nugget: happiness is gently chipping away at the things you need to accomplish along with the things you dream of accomplishing, and knowing you don't always have to being doing both simultaneously to have balance.