yesterday and today

wed:

1. seeing so many friends after a long time without - so fun to see our babies growing and thriving!
2. watching lea so happy to share her home and play with all her friends
3. lea taking some great naps lately and sleeping through the night. phew! i feel like we've made it to the other side.
   
4. making a call i've been fearful of and realizing it wasn't so hard
5. going to sleep with my arms around jeff and feeling so peaceful and safe

nugget: stop trying to control everything and see who picks up where you left off

today:

1. jeff for allowing me to sleep in even though it made his day more stressful
2. have a great conversation that will hopefully turn into many more
   
3. singing the alphabet song with lea. it gets her to stop fussing and smile and sing every time.
   
4. having an amazing conversation with karin that lifted my spirits and made me feel sane and calm again. i love you karin!
   
5. knowing how to take good care of my family
6. my recipe for "green soup" (corn, zucchini, polenta, pesto, and lemon soup) the best!
   
7. supportive email, once again, from loreen.
   
8. listening to kruder and dorfmeister, drinking pinot, and cooking. little bits of the "old me" are so nice to have back

nugget: when you need to make a tough decision quite your mind, listen to your heart, and ask for advice from friends you trust.

getting caught up

saturday:

1. spending a nice morning with jeff, lea, and bissen
2. having 3 hours for myself to work out stress and create
3. feeling calm and powerful at the same time
4. jeff's support in our new sleep strategy
5. getting 6 hours uninterrupted sleep

sunday:

1. jeff's mother's day present; two days for myself
2. the card jeff made me from him and lea
3. spending time with jeff's family and getting the chance to unwind
4. jeff driving
   
5. being taken care of
6. sleeping through the night with some wakings but no feedings!

nugget: "since there is no external savior, it is us to each one of you to work out your own liberation." buddha

monday:

1. spending time together with good friends, yummy food, and thoughtful conversation
2. harbor pizza delivery
3. some amazing emails that lifted my spirits
4. receiving a book from a friend that has already got me inspired
5. finishing the day with jeff on couch, falling asleep to the tv

tuesday:

1. realizing after a task-filled day that i should have followed my instincts and stayed home or done less
2. people who are good at their jobs of customer service - makes a HUGE difference
3. being strong in a situation where i usually cower
4. seeing jeff's response to being able to get lea back to sleep after she woke in the late evening
5. knowing tomorrow will be better

thur

1. this amazing group of women who all inspire each other and sometimes express what we find hard to even admit. what a release!
2. spending some time today in sunny palo alto and running into tara :)
3. jeff and i had a bit of a rough morning today, but after talking, texting, and phone calling we cleared everything up and, i believe, became closer in the process. it's amazing what awareness, effort, a little space, and honestly can do when you put them all together.
   
4. watching lea 'pretend eating' her own bowl of frozen yogurt and realizing she enjoyed it as much as if it were real. ahhh to be a kid again!
5. jeff coming home early so that i could rest and try to relieve the cramps

nugget: this morning's experience made me realize there isn't a threshold that i need to tightrope walk along or be afraid of crossing. i just need to invest in each day, each conversation, each situation, and never assume i know the outcome before it happens. and of course, trust myself.

wednesday

1. when jeff gets up with lea to let me sleep in a little - i will always be repeating this one since it starts the day so wonderfully
2. lea picking out mother's day cards today at longs, finding one that has music, then proceeding to have a dance party in the isles and make everyone around her smile and laugh
3. lea and i painted again for the third day...i hope we can keep this going for always
4. new perspectives on how to get lea to sleep better and feeling confident we'll figure it out....i'm beginning to believe confidence is most of the battle!
5. spending a peaceful evening with jeff, eating, talking about our days, making each other laugh, and communicating

nugget: being a good parent doesn't mean my whole identity needs to be wrapped up into the task. on the contrary! lea loves to paint, not because she really knows what's going on yet, but because she feels how much i love it. i'm certain she knows how happy it makes me.

tues

1. seeing an old friend today and receiving her wisdom on parenting and self care
2. painting again with lea this morning - she did most of it and was so excited she applauded herself with her brushes still in her hands
3. seeing lea wander around stanford today. i still can't believe she is walking!
4. have much more r o o m in our new home to wander
5. jeff for wholeheartedly supporting my decision to be a stay at home mom
   

nugget: Accepting that difficult situations will arise from time to time and treating your reaction to them as if they are passing events rather than a part of who you are can help you move past them.

monday iDIG

1. starting the week out with a clean home and amazing spirits despite getting up 6 times with lea last night
2. listening to my voice within and discovering whole new ways to mother and take care of lea - i knew i had it in me!
3. spending a long time in my studio today with lea and bissen. lea and i created our first two (of a lifetime) paintings! i can't express how amazing it was. and the paintings are beautiful as well.
   
4. finally receiving our mail today (after a long wrestling match with "gone poastal" man at the post office). part of the collection were three items i ordered from etsy; including an amazing note from one artist/mom "i certainly remember 'the early years of motherhood' struggle of trying to mesh so many identities and hang on to the parts of me that seemed so easily lost". sums it up for me!
5. jeff for giving me an hour this morning to stay in bed and enter the day
6. the checkers at new leaf for figuring out how to make my $15 into $18.50 so that i could get everything i wanted and hearing how much jeff loved the dinner i made for him with the ingredients.
7. kristen for sending me such amazing and inspired insight into so many parts of our lives as artists and moms.
8. signing up for our very own weekly organic-locally-grown-produce-box (say that 5 times fast)
   

nugget: i've done a lot of dirty work and just when i didn't think things would get better i see they are. please remind me of this when i get stuck again!

weekend digs

weekend:

1. wonderful conversation with jeff
2. spending an amazing day with jeff and lea, playing, getting things done, letting go, laughing, not cooking, and feeling at peace
3. remembering to trust my instincts and listen to my heart
   
4. going to my painting class on friday, experiencing creative block and painting "mud", allowing myself to feel bad, and understanding (i've been here many times before) that this is a good sign. it's part of the process, and a sign that i'm actually IN the process, not just daydreaming about it.
   
5. being fearless
6. jeff for letting me go back to sleep at 8am this morning and sleep until 11:30. yeah!!!
   

nugget: happiness is gently chipping away at the things you need to accomplish along with the things you dream of accomplishing, and knowing you don't always have to being doing both simultaneously to have balance.